Day 16 & 17 - The App That Cried "Scattered Thunderstorms!"
As many of you are acutely aware, i have a history of anthropomorphization: live animals, stuffed ones, inanimate objects of many varieties, from skyscrapers to dish towels. As kids, Nat and I created an insulated world of play with our own language and a very intricate community of stuffed animals and other toys who had their own planet (obviously way better than this one), school system, and ocean liner prone to upset due to rogue tidal waves that can really just ruin a fine cruise. But there were always survivors!
I found a match made in heaven (for lots of reasons) in Donny who entertained his sisters with a similar mixture of sentimentality and natural disaster. Many of our "characters" have a similar palette of qualities: unstable, jaded, vaguely British-accented, often officious and utterly profane (except when kids are involved, of course). One such character can hardly be described as an actual creature or inanimate object - this is how deep it runs - but is a computer application. An "app". An Apple app. For those of you who are Apple users, you will know the Dashboard App. Among the particular sub-apps of the dashboard is one that tells you the weather.
We call him "Dashie." And he is a liar. For several years, since the changeover from the Panther to the Tiger operating system when Dashie was "born," we have consulted Dashie, often daily, about the weather. And he lies and lies. Oh, how he lies! He will tell you it's raining right now when it most certainly is not. He will tell you the high is 88 for today when it is already a hundred. Big lies, you see. Not just a few degrees. We ask him over and over: Dashie, why do you lie so?
As my iphone has been more or less my only connection to my familiar world of friends and family and facebook, as well as the outside one (GPS, the news, etc), i have consulted it constantly for weather updates. Often the Weather Channel in hotels would vary greatly from the weather reported on the iphone - and be way more accurate.
That's when it hit me. Dashie is the same app on my phone as on my laptop at home. And this version is as mendacious as his predecessor. Oh, Dashie, why do you lie so, especially now, when it's extra important, when i am so very vulnerable?!
Dashie doesn't care. He predicted scattered thunderstorms for 5 days and nothing ever happened. Sure, they're scattered - and i just may have lucked out. But for 5 days? So i got soft. Didn't believe in "scattered thunderstorms." Sure, sure, they exist. But not for me. Not on this trip. That window shut on Day 16, or rather it opened and let the storm in. I had been dripped on in previous days, but had not experienced thunder and lightning and torrential downpours.
I was in the middle of nowhere when the worst of it hit. I had to ride for several miles until i saw a meeting lodge (elks or something) with a tiny awning. There had been deserted looking barns but they were too far from the road (and over a big ditch on either side), making it impossible to wheel my bike with me. I managed to changed out of my wet jersey but couldn't fully strip out in public. I also managed to facebook about it as it was happening. Funny that there were no houses but there was phone service. Thank you, Kentucky. My plan that day was to camp out at the Rough River Dam State Resort Park (sounds nice, eh?) But i opted for the lodge instead cuz everything was totally drenched since the rain showed no signs of stopping completely, though it had lessened, and i had to just buckle down and ride the last 15-20 miles. It stopped raining as i approached Rough River which would have been a nice place to crash for a rest day - lots of stuff to do (i did manage a dip in the pool when i arrived - cold from the recent rain but nice after riding 95 miles).
On the morning of Day 17, it was pouring (though Dashie said it was cloudy in Falls of Rough, KY my exact location - liar!) My cycling cleats were still wet. I couldn't face starting out with wet feet while it was still raining. I ate a big breakfast in the restaurant waiting for the rain to subside. It reduced to a drizzle and i was off toward Sebree, KY to crash at the First Baptist Church there which houses cyclists.
It rained on and off on Day 17, but the countryside was nice. Rolling hills and pleasant tiny towns to ride through. I stopped to find a sandwich at a gas station and a guy jumped out of his truck and raced over to me saying i should continue up the road another half mile where there was a country store that made sandwiches and had a nicer vibe (my choice of word) than the gas station. Aren't people nicer in Western KY?
I arrived in Sebree early (about 2pm) as it was a shorter day (about 73 miles). I had phoned ahead the day before, and Violet, Pastor Bob's wife, who would be approaching sainthood if this was a Catholic church, rather than Baptist, based on the praise she received in the guest book from hungry and tired cyclists, told me that she would be sorry to miss me (she and Pastor Bob would be away that day) but there were numbers of other people to call taped up on the door.
Stephanie arrived in 90 seconds after i got off the phone with her. She showed me around the place: totally 5-star free cyclist accommodations. Definitely one of the best places i've stayed in so far. Wednesday nights (the night before) they have a prayer meeting and a cookout, so there was a lot of food left over with "For Cyclists" written all over the careful packaging. I showered, did laundry, found an apple and some carrots in the fridge (!!) and dragged a mattress into one of the Sunday school rooms where we were allowed to stay.
Drew arrived next. I had met him a week before, the morning i left Council VA (Larry and Rosetta's Big Bacon Breakfast), and we had ridden together for several miles before Drew dropped off. (I had assumed he didn't really want to ride with a partner or stopped for some food or something. As it turned out, he had a wheel problem which plagued him the rest of that day and had to take a cab from Elkhorn City something like 60 miles for the nearest bike shop in Lexington KY. Yikes.) And then Dolly, who i met in Berea (remember, her mom was one of the original '76 touring cyclists) and seen the night before, arrived. We spent the rest of the evening raiding the snacks and talking about the trip. Unfortunately for Drew, he was still awake when the toilet began to overflow and flooded the main room - which he tried unsuccessfully to mop up until 1am. I experienced the wet floor at 5am when i got up to pee.
In the morning, Dashie was signing a sunny day. I decided to believe him, because i wanted it to be true. He's still a liar though.
I found a match made in heaven (for lots of reasons) in Donny who entertained his sisters with a similar mixture of sentimentality and natural disaster. Many of our "characters" have a similar palette of qualities: unstable, jaded, vaguely British-accented, often officious and utterly profane (except when kids are involved, of course). One such character can hardly be described as an actual creature or inanimate object - this is how deep it runs - but is a computer application. An "app". An Apple app. For those of you who are Apple users, you will know the Dashboard App. Among the particular sub-apps of the dashboard is one that tells you the weather.
We call him "Dashie." And he is a liar. For several years, since the changeover from the Panther to the Tiger operating system when Dashie was "born," we have consulted Dashie, often daily, about the weather. And he lies and lies. Oh, how he lies! He will tell you it's raining right now when it most certainly is not. He will tell you the high is 88 for today when it is already a hundred. Big lies, you see. Not just a few degrees. We ask him over and over: Dashie, why do you lie so?
As my iphone has been more or less my only connection to my familiar world of friends and family and facebook, as well as the outside one (GPS, the news, etc), i have consulted it constantly for weather updates. Often the Weather Channel in hotels would vary greatly from the weather reported on the iphone - and be way more accurate.
That's when it hit me. Dashie is the same app on my phone as on my laptop at home. And this version is as mendacious as his predecessor. Oh, Dashie, why do you lie so, especially now, when it's extra important, when i am so very vulnerable?!
Dashie doesn't care. He predicted scattered thunderstorms for 5 days and nothing ever happened. Sure, they're scattered - and i just may have lucked out. But for 5 days? So i got soft. Didn't believe in "scattered thunderstorms." Sure, sure, they exist. But not for me. Not on this trip. That window shut on Day 16, or rather it opened and let the storm in. I had been dripped on in previous days, but had not experienced thunder and lightning and torrential downpours.
I was in the middle of nowhere when the worst of it hit. I had to ride for several miles until i saw a meeting lodge (elks or something) with a tiny awning. There had been deserted looking barns but they were too far from the road (and over a big ditch on either side), making it impossible to wheel my bike with me. I managed to changed out of my wet jersey but couldn't fully strip out in public. I also managed to facebook about it as it was happening. Funny that there were no houses but there was phone service. Thank you, Kentucky. My plan that day was to camp out at the Rough River Dam State Resort Park (sounds nice, eh?) But i opted for the lodge instead cuz everything was totally drenched since the rain showed no signs of stopping completely, though it had lessened, and i had to just buckle down and ride the last 15-20 miles. It stopped raining as i approached Rough River which would have been a nice place to crash for a rest day - lots of stuff to do (i did manage a dip in the pool when i arrived - cold from the recent rain but nice after riding 95 miles).
On the morning of Day 17, it was pouring (though Dashie said it was cloudy in Falls of Rough, KY my exact location - liar!) My cycling cleats were still wet. I couldn't face starting out with wet feet while it was still raining. I ate a big breakfast in the restaurant waiting for the rain to subside. It reduced to a drizzle and i was off toward Sebree, KY to crash at the First Baptist Church there which houses cyclists.
It rained on and off on Day 17, but the countryside was nice. Rolling hills and pleasant tiny towns to ride through. I stopped to find a sandwich at a gas station and a guy jumped out of his truck and raced over to me saying i should continue up the road another half mile where there was a country store that made sandwiches and had a nicer vibe (my choice of word) than the gas station. Aren't people nicer in Western KY?
I arrived in Sebree early (about 2pm) as it was a shorter day (about 73 miles). I had phoned ahead the day before, and Violet, Pastor Bob's wife, who would be approaching sainthood if this was a Catholic church, rather than Baptist, based on the praise she received in the guest book from hungry and tired cyclists, told me that she would be sorry to miss me (she and Pastor Bob would be away that day) but there were numbers of other people to call taped up on the door.
Stephanie arrived in 90 seconds after i got off the phone with her. She showed me around the place: totally 5-star free cyclist accommodations. Definitely one of the best places i've stayed in so far. Wednesday nights (the night before) they have a prayer meeting and a cookout, so there was a lot of food left over with "For Cyclists" written all over the careful packaging. I showered, did laundry, found an apple and some carrots in the fridge (!!) and dragged a mattress into one of the Sunday school rooms where we were allowed to stay.
Drew arrived next. I had met him a week before, the morning i left Council VA (Larry and Rosetta's Big Bacon Breakfast), and we had ridden together for several miles before Drew dropped off. (I had assumed he didn't really want to ride with a partner or stopped for some food or something. As it turned out, he had a wheel problem which plagued him the rest of that day and had to take a cab from Elkhorn City something like 60 miles for the nearest bike shop in Lexington KY. Yikes.) And then Dolly, who i met in Berea (remember, her mom was one of the original '76 touring cyclists) and seen the night before, arrived. We spent the rest of the evening raiding the snacks and talking about the trip. Unfortunately for Drew, he was still awake when the toilet began to overflow and flooded the main room - which he tried unsuccessfully to mop up until 1am. I experienced the wet floor at 5am when i got up to pee.
In the morning, Dashie was signing a sunny day. I decided to believe him, because i wanted it to be true. He's still a liar though.
Liar, liar, pants on fire, says Mermie.
ReplyDeleteI still have Niffy on a shelf in my bedroom here in DC...
ReplyDelete